MST3k and the Art of Bad Cinema

I've always been a lover of movies. As a kid, I remember my dad sitting me down and flipping on Jaws, Raiders of the Lost Ark, and, most important of all, the original Star Wars trilogy - fun stuff with lots of heart and a crackling wit. These films were my bedrock, laying my foundation for knowing what good movies were supposed to be. I loved them with a kind of bewitched desperation, memorizing scenes and lines like the addict I was. Heck, I still do this. 

...but there's another aspect of cinema that I'm addicted to. Not just the gems, but the clumpy clods of dirt. Movies made with the best intentions, yet are undoubtedly, tragically, often hysterically bad. Stuff like Plan 9 from Outer Space, Manos: The Hands of Fate, and Time Chasers. Why did I love these loathsome losers? There's an easy answer to this: Mystery Science Theater 3000.

A shot from Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1996)

Every Saturday morning, my Dad insisted my brother and I do what he called a "quick run-through" of the house. Translation? Dust, vacuum, put away the dishes, and basically tidy up. My brother and I would get started around 9 in the morning, and hopefully be done before 11. We'd scramble from room to room, doing a supremely half-assed job, just to get done as soon as we could. Why? Because the Sci-Fi Channel showed episodes of MST3k all morning (at 8, 10, and 12, I think), and we wanted to watch as much of it as we could. The second we finished cleaning, I remember parking my butt in front of our old television in the basement, peanut-butter sandwich in hand, exhausted and excited, watching MST3k.

For the uninitiated, Mystery Science Theater 3000 was a TV show that ran for ten seasons, from 1988 to 1999. It hopped from network to network - the Sci-Fi Channel, Comedy Central, even a local Minneapolis/St. Paul station - and had a feature length theatrical movie in 1996 (aptly named Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie). It won a Peabody Award, was nominated for a couple Emmys, and is consistently ranked as one of the best cult TV shows ever made. A new season is set to hit Netflix tomorrow. 

...so...what is it?

Well, there's a whole campy science-fiction premise that I won't tell you about here (just pick a random episode and watch the opening credits - the song explains everything). But here's the meat and potatoes: Take a bad movie, play it in entirety, and let 3 hilarious dudes make fun of it the whole time. It's that simple. The dudes themselves are always a single human and 2 robot puppets. Yeah, it's weird, but it's unique and incredibly well-written. The robots are terrific: Tom Servo is sardonic and smart, while Crow T. Robot is an innocent reactionary. The humans are awesome, too, but whether you prefer the laid-back slow-burn of Joel or the quick quipping of Mike is inconsequential. The cast just works. Everything works. Exceptionally well, too.

But the show would be nothing without the movies themselves. And holy crap, they're amazing. But you know what I mean by that, right? They're "amazing" because they're steaming piles of garbage. Cinematic trainwrecks with mangled bodies still strewn about the wreckage. Foul, unholy abominations that claw up from the depths to feast upon your innards.

From left to right: Crow, Joel, Mike, and Tom Servo

They're bad.

As a kid, I found each of these flicks hilarious. It's all a bit mean-spirited, yes, but it's sooooo satisfying to watch. Actors with the dramatic range of a doorstop. Directors with all the style and finesse of a teenage TikToker. Screenplays utterly devoid of plot, and with dialogue about as authentic as that action-movie script your buddy wrote back in high school. And the special effects? What a treat. Rubber suits and fishing lines and bad puppeteers. It's classic.

Yep - that's the show in a nutshell. I spent a lot of my childhood watching terrible movies, often produced and released decades before I was even born. Tropes and clichés quickly became etched in my brain. Nonsensical plot? Check. Bad dubbing? Check. One-dimensional acting? Check. Stock footage? Check, check, and check. I loved it all, to the point where it rivaled my appreciation of good movies. Suddenly, I was analyzing Bride of the Monster as much as The Empire Strikes Back, and talking about Hobgoblins more than The Godfather. My ironic attachment to crap had somehow evolved into genuine affection. I didn't love these movies because of the MST3k jokes, although those were certainly highlights. I loved them because they were what they were: triumphantly, deliriously bad. Masterpieces of schlock.

A fan favorite episode: The Final Sacrifice

These movies taught me a lot, too. About how realistic characters should behave. About writing and pacing, and how to plot a coherent narrative. About special effects, and what looks authentic and what doesn't. They heightened my awareness of cinema, and how it should and should not be made. And best of all? They're funny. Oh God, they're fantastic. Perfect for Saturday mornings as a kid, giggling with my brother, trying not to choke on peanut butter sandwiches. Perfect, too, as an adult - sitting in my living room, next to my wife, marveling at the sublime stupidity of it all. 

Thank you, Mystery Science Theater 3000. For the laughs. For the love. And for the trash.

Below, you'll find two lists. The first presents to you my all-time favorite MST3k episodes. You'll be able to watch many of these on Netflix, and should be able to fill in any gaps thanks to YouTube and home media. (Keep in mind, I'm writing and releasing this list before the new season airs.) The second list? Just some of my favorite, non-MST3k movies, which happen to be delightfully nauseating. (I shied away from movies that are bad on purpose - i.e., Sharknado and the like.)

Check them out, folks. Enjoy all the marvelous crap that you can stomach! It'll be a real trip.

Top 10 Favorite MST3k Episodes
10.) Soultaker (1990)
9.) The Horrors of Spider Island (1960)
8.) The Creeping Terror (1964)
7.) Overdrawn at the Memory Bank (1983)  
6.) The Sidehackers (1969)
5.) The Final Sacrifice (1990)
4.) Mitchell (1975)
3.) Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues... (1985)
2.) Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
1.) Space Mutiny (1988)

Top 10 Favorite Non-MST3k Cinematic Trainwrecks
10.) Frankenstein Island (1981)
9.) Tales from the Hood (1995)
8.) The Happening (2008) 
7.) Nightmare at Noon (1988)
6.) Batman & Robin (1997)
5.) Star Wars (Episode II): Attack of the Clones (2002) 
4.) Kingdom of the Spiders (1977)
3.) The Room (2003)
2.) Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959)
1.) La Bamba (1987)

The newest season of MST3k hits Netflix on April 14th.